a viable future depends on people working together.
“Kern exemplifies the vulnerability and skill needed to have difficult conversations — and that it's possible to become the person you need to be to have the conversations you need to have.”
— Anne Marie George
Workshop participant
Recently I was asked to lead my workshop at a major university in the midwest. A conflict had erupted over the school’s diversity training policy, and soon it had spun out of control. Factions had formed. Protests and counter-protests were organized. Relationships among students, staff and faculty were rupturing. Within weeks the conflict had become a national news story, and even state legislators ended up getting involved.
As we know, this kind of conflict in our country is not unique. We see it everywhere. In our communities, government, business, non-profit enterprises, places of worship and more. Most of all, we experience it in our personal lives. The tension we feel with neighbors or colleagues who’s views we don’t agree with. The spouse who, for reasons we can’t understand, votes for the “other side.” The child who we worry is susceptible to misinformation being spread throughout the media. And the friend, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, or parent who says things we feel shouldn’t go unchallenged, yet fear if we say something it will create an irreparable rift.
Broken relationships upset and preoccupy us because we know how much we rely on them in life. They comfort us, give us joy, provide for us, and help us accomplish things. When all that’s at risk, feelings of vulnerability and fear begin to rise. Trust is undermined, miscommunications and misinterpretations multiply. All of which compound to drive us further apart.
In every organization, every family, every community, and every country, a viable future depends on people trusting each other and working well together. That’s why this moment in our country is so critical. Our viable future is at risk. Which means that now more than ever, we need people with the skills to heal our divide — people who know how to build bridges and strengthen relationships so that a new era of trust and collaboration can begin.
I travelled to that university in the midwest and led the workshop. Not quite as many people attended as the organizers hoped. But that’s okay. Not everyone needs the skills to help heal our divide, to turn potentially negative encounters into positive ones. They just need to experience someone who does have the skills.
If you’d like to be one of those essential people with the skills, or you’d like the people in your organization to have them, my workshop is for you.
Some of the outcomes you can expect from my workshop:
You’ll learn why difficult conversations can trigger our fight/flight survival drive, and how that shuts down our brain’s ability to listen, be present and take in new information.
You’ll learn why trust is essential when navigating a difficult conversation, and how you can quickly establish trust even with someone you don’t know well.
You’ll learn how your personal story can get in the way of clear communication, and how to look “beyond" your story to access your innate capacity for connection, creativity and collaboration.
You’ll learn how even in a highly polarized situation, you can find common ground when you learn to listen to the “story behind the story.”
A few examples of what workshop participants have said:
"What I learned, in the Difficult Conversations Workshop, was truly transformative for me. I now have a completely new take on the saying 'Put yourself in someone else's shoes.' Because of Kern's lessons, I can now do a better job at meeting a person where they are. This almost always guarantees meaningful dialogue. In turn, I can make things happen."
—Kathryn Shirley, President at World Management Solutions, Inc.
“By examining the narratives through which we see the world and each other, Difficult Conversations helps us find the courage to show up in those rare ways that are an optimistic glimpse of humanity and the world to come.” — Eric Glustrom, Founder & Chief Executive Officer, Watson Institute.
“We came as a diverse group of leaders in government, business, nonprofit, and religious sectors. Even with our diversity, the workshop managed to speak directly to each individual and created a common language we can use when working together. We all need this.”
— Jesica Rhone, Director of International Programs, The McConnell Foundation.
“One of the most impactful and useful workshops I have been to in the last 10 years.” — Kevin O'Rorke, Ph.D. CEO – North State Together.
details on bringing my workshop to your organization.
Starting the conversation
To begin a conversation about bringing my workshop to your community, workplace or organization, please email me at kern@difficultconversationsproject.org. Tell me a little about your need, whether you prefer an online or in-person format, and the ideal timing if you know it.
Once I receive your email, I’ll get back to you to set up a time to chat. I’ll also include a detailed overview of the workshop and a sample format for both online and in-person gatherings.
When we talk, we can go over your specific needs and how I can best meet them. I’m flexible as to how we work. Some examples:
The full-day in-person workshop could be two half-days if that works better for you.
The three-part online workshop can be spread over three days or three weeks, or any number in between.
Some organizations have asked me to give a one-hour, online talk to their people in advance of the workshop to generate interest, and then follow up with the full workshop. We can consider that option if you’d like.
Doing the workshop
For the in-person workshop I bring all the materials I need, but I will need you to provide the AV equipment. I need a projector, screen, and sound system. Other details, such as room set-up, we can discuss when we talk.
For the online workshop I again provide all the needed materials. In terms of the technology, my preference is that you handle the Zoom logistics so that I can be present with the participants. However, if that’s not possible or comfortable for you, no worries, I can take care of it.
Since the online version is a three-part workshop, I have suggested activities that people do between sessions — a reading, video, or podcast that pertains to the material in the upcoming session. These suggested materials are conveyed by email (by your or me) about a week prior to each session (or sooner, depending how how the the sessions are spread out).
After the workshop
I will email a PDF copy of my slides to all interested participants. For the online workshop, I send a PDF of the slides immediately after each session. I will also encourage people to buy my book, $8.99 on Amazon or from your local bookstore. It’s not only an excellent refresher of the material covered in the workshop, but also offers additional depth.
Follow-up sessions
Sometimes people are interested in follow-up sessions to go more deeply into some of the material covered, or to work through the specific application of some of the workshop’s concepts. If that’s the case, I’m happy to work with you on scheduling those sessions.
I hope this gives you a good idea of the overall program. I look forward to hearing from you.
Kern