The election is upon us and tensions are palpable. Amidst the flurry of news stories about final polls and last-minute campaign stops, my eyes have been drawn to articles and posts more personal in nature. In particular was the story of a mother whose son had cut her out of his life because they disagreed on who to vote for. He told her she wasn’t his mother anymore, and she was dubious they would ever reconcile. It’s an extreme example of a situation many have recently found themselves in: cut off from someone close by a conflicting ideology. 

There’s  an understandable instinct to throw too much weight onto what happens on Tuesday, November 3rd, but we should be cautious to do so. I don’t mean to imply that the outcome doesn’t matter. It certainly does. But for those who’ve had personal relationships fractured by the turmoil, what happens Tuesday won’t necessarily change anything. The blame may lie with a political machine but the mending comes from within, so best to start now. 

There’s a lie that’s spread all-too well, that we’re a country that no longer allows civil disagreement. An imaginary line’s been crossed and instead of discussion we simply oppose one another mob-to-mob. But this is only true if we allow it to become so.

A relative of mine posted on social media about her trip to the polls with her husband and young daughters. She shared her thoughts on the state of things that I found poignant:

“I’m seeing so many if-then statements (if you’re a democrat, then you hate babies, if you vote for Trump, then you are a monster). Generalized statements like these denigrate and dehumanize, and preclude understanding. While I do hold strong and ‘radical’ views, I also work very hard to understand how someone might believe differently at the same intense level. I’m not saying it’s easy, especially when you believe that your beliefs have a moral basis — but when I start by assuming there is something I don’t know, I tend to learn something, whether or not it changes my mind.” 

The perspective offered there is essential to approaching any argument, particularly a politically motivated one, whether you’re having it with a loved one or a total stranger. And allowing one, two, or even a handful of political issues however important to dictate who you can or cannot get along with is diminishing to the self. There is complexity to our identities that we need to embrace, in ourselves — and in others. 

So, though you may be on tenterhooks waiting for a decision Tuesday evening, whatever the outcome, you’ll carry on living and learning and changing, and so will the people you so strongly disagree with.

— Will Beare