Stand on your ground
Think of a time when you’ve been humbled. How did it feel? Was there a sense of losing your place in the world? Your stature diminished? Did it make you feel somehow vulnerable, and suddenly less picky about who you might associate with — because at that moment any company was good company?
The root of the word humble is hummus. It means ground. Being humbled is being grounded. It’s a closer experience of our true self. Neither less than nor better than anyone else.
Being humble is one of the primary conditions for having a productive “difficult conversation.” It allows us to listen better, to be more open.
How do we nurture humility? One way, say the experts, is to cultivate experiences of awe and wonder. Such experiences tend to reduce the unpleasant mind-chatter of self preoccupation, while expanding our sense of connectedness.
Another way is to embrace our own humanity. When you start to harshly judge another’s attitudes or behaviors, ask yourself: “How am I like you?” If asked sincerely, the answer will quickly bring you back down to earth.
When you think about it, it's miraculous how a small seed – like an acorn – contains the full genetic instruction set to become something big, beautiful and life nourishing — like an oak tree. It’s an example of the gift all life forms possess: An encoded ability to reach, under the right conditions, their full potential.
It’s worth reflecting on how this “encoded ability” applies to humans.
Retaliation is a natural human instinct. Hurt me and I’ll want to hurt you back. Not only does this act of revenge give me a short-lived, dopamine-infused jolt of satisfaction, it also, hopefully, convinces you not to hurt me again. It's that hope, however, that often proves unfounded.
I’ll never forget my first “official” Difficult Conversations workshop – the first real test of whether I’d created something of value.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but people in general are not good listeners. One reason might be that we stop listening to each other almost the moment a conversation has begun.
I’ve been thinking more about what keeps us from being in dialogue with those we disagree with. One cause that stands out: Self-righteousness.
They may not think of themselves this way, but journalists are storytellers, and the way they tell their stories shapes how you and I see each other and our world. The problem, however, is that journalists usually tell us only half the story – leaving us with a very distorted view of reality. A new approach called Solutions Journalism fills in the picture.
Thinking about the Russian invasion of Ukraine reminded me of a very personal experience I had years ago — one that taught me something about the nature of evil.
We’ve been on a long journey. What have we learned about where we are, who we are, and what we are to do?