ON CONVERSATION
When you think about it, it's miraculous how a small seed – like an acorn – contains the full genetic instruction set to become something big, beautiful and life nourishing — like an oak tree. It’s an example of the gift all life forms possess: An encoded ability to reach, under the right conditions, their full potential.
It’s worth reflecting on how this “encoded ability” applies to humans.
A good metaphor can change how you see the world.
Retaliation is a natural human instinct. Hurt me and I’ll want to hurt you back. Not only does this act of revenge give me a short-lived, dopamine-infused jolt of satisfaction, it also, hopefully, convinces you not to hurt me again. It's that hope, however, that often proves unfounded.
I’ll never forget my first “official” Difficult Conversations workshop – the first real test of whether I’d created something of value.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but people in general are not good listeners. One reason might be that we stop listening to each other almost the moment a conversation has begun.
I’ve been thinking more about what keeps us from being in dialogue with those we disagree with. One cause that stands out: Self-righteousness.
They may not think of themselves this way, but journalists are storytellers, and the way they tell their stories shapes how you and I see each other and our world. The problem, however, is that journalists usually tell us only half the story – leaving us with a very distorted view of reality. A new approach called Solutions Journalism fills in the picture.
An unexpected encounter started off good, went bad, and then got good again.
Thinking about the Russian invasion of Ukraine reminded me of a very personal experience I had years ago — one that taught me something about the nature of evil.
We’ve been on a long journey. What have we learned about where we are, who we are, and what we are to do?
“There are people so consumed by hate that they are worth fearing. But here's the radical belief I have: I still think that what even those people really crave, is to be heard, and seen.” — Mónica Guzmán
Reflections on developing a mindfulness practice.
Advice given to someone in conflict feels relevant to these times.
In a world awash in difficult conversations, it helps to be trained in crisis intervention.
The theme song from the 1960s TV show “Rawhide” strikes me as a disturbingly accurate description of how we approach our national discourse.
How do we find and keep our center even in the midst of conflict and chaos? The experience of Janessa Gans Wilder may be instructive. She found her center in the middle of a war zone.
This seems to me to be the great opportunity of our time — to, in the midst of our upheaval, practice love and see what new understanding emerges.
“We get comfortable with a certain way of doing or seeing, and that becomes the universe of possibility…To create something new, you have to unmake yourself to some extent..”
Imagine being able to see the world through someone else’s eyes. It turns out you not only can, you often do.
A difficult conversation can feel like a turbulent ride in an airplane. Here are some strategies for finding smoother air.
Excerpts from my conversation with mediator and best-selling author, Douglas Stone.
How our fear fuels the anti-vaccine movement.
It's easy to lose perspective in a difficult conversation. Here's one way to not just keep it, but expand it.
Talking to people we seriously disagree with doesn’t have to be a recipe for a bad headache or high blood pressure. It can also be a recipe for understanding, connection, and even friendship, as Jon Karpilow found when he spent seven months working in a gun shop.
The ability to cooperate in increasingly complex communities is stuffed into each and every one of our 100 trillion cells. We are cooperation made manifest.
Insights into why we live in such polarizing times, and what we can do about it.
An interaction with physician's assistant reminds me why relationships matter, and that they don't take long to build.
This month I celebrate two anniversaries: 40 years of marriage and 5 years leading workshops on the art and science of difficult conversations. Here’s what the former taught about the latter.
I recently came across an interview with renowned sociologist Dr. Arlie Hochschild, who spent five years “deep in Louisiana bayou country” to better understand the viewpoints of people she knew she’d have differences with. Her experiences and insights are chronicled in her New York Times bestseller Strangers in Their Own Land: Anger and Mourning on the American Right. nHere are a few edited-for-clarity highlights from her interview.